I was still mad.
My Emersonian experience was not so much a day, but a test case. A kind of W.W.E.D.-in-this-situation, and one situation in particular.
I kept up the menial small-talk and occasional get-togethers in sheer concession that she would, in fact, never fully comprehend the origin of my frustration. I left it alone, because I believed that brilliant someone who said "everything heals with time."
Maybe I was being melodramatic. Probably.
But in retrospect, it was worth it, for what was revealed to me when I objectively compared my actions to the words of Emerson, made quite a difference: It was not her problem at all.
Why did I expect her to complete me? I still held the her actions against her, and even more so, passed judgement on her character because I wanted a different outcome.
In reality, I was unfulfilled with what my own actions. I couldn't let go of the fact I had fallen short, and therefore prosecuted her for my unhappiness.
The definitive paradox of friendship is that you must be an self-contented individual before you can be part of collaborating duo. The failure to do so results in co-dependence, unfulfillment, and ultimately, as in my case, disappointment.
It is so like human nature to compel us to seek another to supplement our short- comings. It's also the easiest thing to do. There's a fine line between complementary and reliance, but a grand divulgence in ultimate outcome.
"The only way to have a friend is to be one." Though this might entail kindness, forgiveness and compassion (three thing I could use in my situation), it also requires a certain degree of self-content. No, this doesn't mean you have to have it all together or stand to gain nothing from a friendship. It's the simple recognition from time to time, that 'I can't look to others as a source of my self-image, happiness, or fulfillment.'
As I realized this (among other things) and reflected upon my situation, I am still greeted with the same reservations, but a severely less degree of bitterness. I recognize that she could've been handled her part better, but that's living, and I now consciously afford her the amnesty I, so many times a day require.
"Be not a slave to your own past." I refuse to hold myself and her in shackles to a past situation. It's not fair, nor decent, nor in any circumstance friendship-like. To be a friend is an evolving lesson, and I am content that Emerson got right: All life is truly an experience.
1 comment:
I understand the need to be a contented individual before having a true friend but friendship can be a growth experience. With out certain people in our lives we would never change, which I can tell is a bad thing. We as individuals are never the same in two different moments. Unfortunately consistency is not a virtue the universe holds very highly but rather entropy(to go chemistry on you) or discord is the natural order of things, and it takes work to bring order. That last part was a bit of a poorly worded tangent but my point is that change within oneself is a good thing and to resist it is only hurting oneself. True friendship takes complete trust and opening up on every basis. This is very risky business but when you find a complementary person it becomes easier than it seems.
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